Ok, so I will admit this: tonight to blow of stress from thinking about the insanity of grad school applications and to actually celebrate something positive–my upcoming birthday and good GRE scores–my friend Nichelle took me to Monterey’s Mexican Restaurant. Since I never have had a margarita she ordered us both one. Pretty good, although I still state that alcohol is never as you imagine it to taste. But maybe that was because this was cheap tequila.

Anyways, that was a good 5 hours ago. We watched a movie (The Cell–crazy but brilliant film) and talked forever then she left because we both need to do some homework (and look what I’m doing instead…) Right after she left I was grabbing some water from the fridge and my roommate walked in. We started talking for a second then he asked “Dude, are you high?”

No, I wasn’t, I said. I did drink a little but that was 5 hours ago and it surely has worn off by now. But, I thought, I do feel a little high.

As I said to Nichelle as she was leaving “Good conversation, that will get you higher than anything else.”

And I don’t use that as a metaphor of some sort. I mean, literally, it will induce in me an actual altered state of mind.

I got to talking to my roommate about this for a while and he found the concept quite odd.

Listen. For 21 years of my life I lived without any perceived or intentional mind-altering substances. I stayed away from alcohol, drugs, cigarettes–even caffeine, avoided taking tylenol and limited my sugar intake (never drinking sodas).  I was under the illusion for this time that I had one single state of mine that was my state of mind.  To alter would be to alter who I am. To speak or act in such an “artificial” state of mind would somehow not be me.  I say illusion because it is just that: you don’t have one state of mind, but it constantly changes and is affected by any number of factors: time of day, amount of sleep, allergens in the air, mental and emotional state, food that you eat–and the list could go on.  It is ridiculous to think that you have one state of mind which is undeniably you. (However, I would suggest that you would have a state of mind that you feel most you, but this idea admits that some so-called “altered” states of mind can acceptably be your personally “correct” state of mind, such as is the case with potheads–I accept this conclusion, you may not) (continue reading…)

I am already amazed at the responses I got to this! Let’s be clear: If you actually read the piece you will see that I don’t normally do this sort of thing. I have only done it twice in my life so far and don’t plan on doing it much more at all. I only drank three beers and had my head about me fine. Also, I am not saying that there is nothing wrong with alcohol, just that I have come to understand much more about why people drink.

This is just a description of my first night out drinking. I’ll make use of it for two pieces I am working on, one on the reasons people drink and one a personal essay centered on my pride–called The Pedestal.  As you will see, both themes are present in this write-up. Hope you enjoy, and feel free to comment. Please don’t try to toss out some argument to discount the conclusions I’ve made because you feel you must defend your hatred of alcohol. I know, ok…I know. I was there once too…and then came this:

I didn’t need advice from someone to know that this was a bad time to go drinking. My time with Kayley had left me depressed and on edge. I don’t handle alcohol well at all, having only been the smallest bit drunk a few times,all safely in my apartment.

The Interstate is empty as I race down it, away from another strange and bewildering night with her. Advances are not enough. Sunflowers wilt and die after a few days; it is the same if you give the girl one or six. You just have to buy more then. The street lights are less fleeting as I race by them. The air blows cool on my face and I shudder.

Tom, my roommate calls, he wants to go out—he wants a party. Can we find a party? Ought I do this? What things will I find by exploring these unknown lands? No doubt I’d find things beyond my experience. I’d break down inside a little, these thoughts of pride and arrogance. Things I never understood.

I drive up Gervais street. It is Tuesday night in the summer so its not particularly busy. I thankfully find a place to park right behind the place I used to work, Bull Market. This way I won’t have to worry about leaving it there all night if I need to walk home. Its not that far and I am terrified of driving after drinking so I’d rather not do it at all. I’ll probably stick to that rule for a while until I can get a feel for what alcohol does to me.

I call Tom and he said he went inside Rust, a bar that Dane, a guy I used to work with, now works at. Dane said they have half-off liquor tonight and that he’d be going but he’s not answering my phone calls. Later I find out he was blackout drunk. Rust is surprisingly nice and intimidating. I am not willing to go in. It is set back from the street, a nice slanted building with a glass front and a courtyard to the right. I decide to wait outside for Tom.

I feel awkward just standing there. The Vista is pretty empty. A few people are walking but not many. I nod to the ones that pass by but I feel awkward. A guy walks up. He is sweating profusely and shrugging in his jacket like he isn’t sure whether he should keep it on. It odd since it is hot outside. He tells me that his girlfriend just left him and normally his frat brothers would help him out but none of them are around. He needs to get up to Garners Ferry Rd. That’s quite a ways. He needs $15 for the Taxi. I briefly contemplate offering to drive him. But I told Tom I’d meet him here and he’d be out in a moment. I look in my wallet and all I have is a dollar. I mutter apologies as I hand him the bill. He looks disappointed. This frustrates me a little but, being the good-natured sucker I am, I let him have it. He heads off down the street saying he is going to Jillians to see if he can find someone to help him. (continue reading…)

Its incredible out here, sitting in the dark on the front porch, listening to the rain and watching the lightning.   The sky is lit from the city, giving it that incredibly ominous aura that fits well with the sound of the thunder and rain. In front of me a large spider ignores all of the commotion and is building a nice web.  Frogs are croaking loving it–they are partying the night away, croaking like there’s not tomorrow.  That would be a funny joke if they were dayflies.

So, while I’m out here in the dark listening to the rain…I feel like I should have some deep thoughts. But I’m all deep thoughted out today. Yes, it does happen, believe it or not…and my writing becomes more relaxed and casual–like this I suppose. So instead of trying to come up with something wonderful I am going to just sit here and enjoy the night and toss ideas around for my pieces.

Alright, so I’ve got all sorts of material now for three peices: a memior/personal essay entitled “The Pedestal,” which is about me overcoming my overwhelming sense of pride and trying to understand people; an essay/experience peice on what it is like to first start drinking and some contemplations on why people drink; and a lyric peice on a sense of place and locality.

Hmm, for my personal use, here’s what I got in scenes to work with for the three peices.  First, for the lyric:

• Going to France and the whole foreign experience
• Discovering the Riverwalk–and ppl being friendly there
• Walking to the Vista–and just around town
• Biking for a whole day (which I did today) and how you get a sense of space much more acutely that way, interacting with cars and whatnot
• Getting to know the main places of town–seeing what is here and what people are doing as opposed to staying inside
• Random conversations with people I don’t know–like this random convo today with a guy because I overheard him talking about Wheel of Time
• Sitting out here right now watching the thunder storm
• Spending time in coffee shops
• Darryl asking “what is the most important thing you could change right now to make your life better” My response: “Spend more time outside.”
• My notes on lawns.

That should be plenty of material for that one. Now…lots of material to mix up and play with for the other two pieces as well…not sure which will go with which exactly. For those who are really upset about me drinking and whatnot, go ahead and stop reading here.

• Watching other people drink before, like when in France or at the first bar I went to (where I didn’t drink)
• All of the material and whatnot from my 21 and Sober peice
• All of the tastes one is not accustomed to when you don’t drink–the bitter and the raw
• Ben Forney’s quote I’ve quoted far too many times at this point
• Nathan convincing me to drink my first beer–and the incredibly pleasant conversation that resulted over it
• Cultural gaps and simple knowledge one doesn’t know–like not to hold the beer in your hand or that asking to buy someone a drink is a major come-on
• Night at The Whig eating tacos, drinking beer
• Playing GameCube with Nathans friends–oh and the guy’s bug infested apartment
• Going to the liquor store for the first time
• The incredible “twinge” reaction of judgment
• The lack of a sense of balance and responsibility–and how this originates from the setting of boundaries
• Drinking through the bottle of Absolute with Kayley–playing halo and whatnot–realizing the value of alcohol in simply relaxing a tense situation and feeling a comraderie
• The “sophisticated” tastes–spending a weekend with Marty and Darryl and the wine they let me try as well as the gin–which was disgusting. Discovered that yuengling is good though.
• Night at Bull Market, letting Dane make me drinks, really coming down to earth with that one, making conversation, talking about all sorts of stuff…felt like I belonged after I’ve already been gone.  Was really cool…old employees there, and Paul. Let Dane make me his special cocktails and we took a shot of tequila. Then I walked home from the Vista
• Dude, the incredible number of bums around the Vista…is crazy…I gave one a dollar…but I can’t do that…I am running really low on money…lol
• Then the big one: went to Five Points last night with my roommate…took notes on the whole experience in my phone…quite a lot of notes actually.  Quite an interesting first night in five points.  Lets just say…I’m not sure if everyone sees some guy strip and get in the fountain on their first night out…good material though. Lol.
• A sense of self and integrity when among the people you aren’t used to–yes you still retain this if you do it properly.
• Also, some thoughts on the type of people I want to be around, which I’ve been thinking alot about lately.

Yeah, so I think thats about it for now. I’m very much at peace. I feel fantastic.  Really happy about how things are moving.  Kayley and I are on good, even great terms.  I am quite happy with the changes I have made. I am getting lots of work done.  Lots of interesting people are around. Getting out a lot, spending a lot of time outside.  Getting in shape (man my thighs are killing me after biking all day!). Roommate is pretty cool.  Money is tight but I’ll manage. Job going well–is really interesting. Freelance stuff coming along.

Yeah. I feel fantastic. Now, I am not on drugs. This is just me, plain old me sitting on the front porch typing away, enjoying the moist air and the tapping of the rain on the gutters.   Lovely indeed.

Buoyed by the traffic I flow along the streets of Columbia, South Carolina, towards the heart of this historic city.  In a city where a fourth of its population is in college, this flow takes me right past Main Street. It pulls me past the historic state house with its ever controversial Confederate Flag and onward down the dusty streets, past the sprawling University that fills the center of the city like an every expanding lung, offering fresh air to an otherwise aged city. It takes a swift turn down Hunter Street and there I see the heart of the city, where the blood flows steadily and inexorably to the place called Five Points. Here five major roads converge along with an enormous amount of bars, college students, and alcohol.

I am a stranger here.  It is a world that I have never known.  The noisy bars, the bitter mixed smells of liquor and tobacco, the endless crowds of smiling faces—I have always stayed away. Despite four years in college I have never tasted alcohol, never attempted to see or to understand this important and treasured part of so many people’s lives. Until now.